What a roller-coaster ride life sometimes is. Just now, I danced a merry dance, woohoo, happy vibes… only to be knocked over by the next surprise from reality. Somewhere, I made some mistakes that are now public. Horror, I failed at being perfect.
Gasp. The mind wanders into stories of the past and about the future. Huge stories, in which I have learned in traumatizing events that I must act perfectly to be safe and loved.
Immediately, the blame game sets is, despair and self-judgements torment the heart. Perfection is a learned response, that will fail us again and again. It will keep me in the victim mode of my old trauma.
My mind is all over the place. Except in the present moment. Which is, as it is. Breathe, get out of the situation, breathe more.
Healing starts inside
Beyond the immediate response to whatever is challenging me, I regurgitate the current event with an unrelenting flood of judgements. They are worthy of deep, internal inquiry. What, exactly, is triggering this response? What can I learn from the situation about my inner workings, my hidden painful stories that wait to be healed.
Healing always starts inside by listening to the stories and judgements that we torment ourselves with.
For me, during my roller-coaster book launch, I learned a lot about my existential fear of mistakes and how it is triggering me to this very day. What a revelation that was. I found so much to learn and heal. What a wonderful present, thank you to all who played along. Now, I can practice to let go of my fear and heal. Step by step, I can learn to laugh at my mistakes again, with ease of heart, and love me for trying and daring.
I wish you lots of courage to face your triggers and lots of love to heal them with. Let me know how you deal with your trigger alerts in life, I would love to learn more about that.